If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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