his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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