maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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