U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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