My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
