oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
