I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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