I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
