I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
