I want to have your abortion
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
