I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
