ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
