I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
