My liver just broke up with me...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
3pm strippers are depressing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What drink are we having for lunch?
So much rum. So many feels.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
