I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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