oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
