u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
