Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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