Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
