The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
