I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
