Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
