Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
