He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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