The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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