Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
