she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize