Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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