Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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