I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
