sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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