...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
