i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
