My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
