i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
