Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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