my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
