Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
