so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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