she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
