Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
