I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
