I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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