This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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