I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
