Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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