theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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