I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
