I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
