you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
