i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
