he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
