Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
