HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
