Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
