i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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