you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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