you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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