How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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