apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
