Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
