I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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