Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
