Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
