the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
