My underwear smells like fireworks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
