three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize