On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
